Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
