Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
