Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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