If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize