wrigley field is MILF paradise
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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