Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
