So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
