just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
