So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
