I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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