absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
