Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
