The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
