I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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