They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
