Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
