genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sober January is a disaster.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
