planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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