I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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