I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
