dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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