The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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