Whod you bang
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize