Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
