im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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