Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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