I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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