No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
