Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
