Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
