don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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