I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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