Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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