I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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