I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
