She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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