my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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