Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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