just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
