Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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