Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
