If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
