I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
