very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
