I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
