I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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