My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
