you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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