The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
