I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
