Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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