4 words: hood of his car
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
