You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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