you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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