You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
