I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
