I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
