Well douche your snatch and let's go!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
