How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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