o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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