I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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