8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
