I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
