i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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