you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
