They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
