The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wear drunk well.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
