3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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